I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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