I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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