After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
