During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
