I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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