How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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