the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
