dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
