now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize