i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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