I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize