sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
