I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
