Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize