I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I want her autograph on my taint
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
