OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Randomize
