Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize