Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
