the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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