Just fell off a train. Bad.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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