White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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