People in love make me want to vomit
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
