Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize