yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
