it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
