Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
