He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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