So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
bring money and cleavage
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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