Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
