It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
