Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
