And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
