Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
