Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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