so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
i think i just lost a toe
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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