You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We need a shit load of segways right now
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
