Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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