Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
