right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
