I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize