He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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