i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
