a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
