I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
