I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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