Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Randomize
