Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
