We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
