Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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