his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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