I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I currently don't understand fingers.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize