when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
