I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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