so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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