Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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