YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
