I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
