I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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