I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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