Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
