after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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