Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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