tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
