Sry I called you an 8
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
